Nothing beats the secuirty of a record player and memories to last a lifetime! Music therapy to last throughout the ages. I never had as much fun as I am right now in my home town with my parents with their old record player and a few of the oldies...think crosby stills and nash, barry manilow, carly simon..and a few oldies and new albums that bring me back to the age of innocence. They would never know it, but I needed this more than anything at this point of my life. No matter what, your parents are a key to certain parts of your life. Whether you want to admit it or not. They know things you will never know and can help you whether you think they can or not. I admit, in this blog, that appreciate it all. The shopping spree today with my mom and the record player my dad so willingly plugged in to the old speakers from Korea that play the old songs that bring me back to the age when I just wanted to dance as crazy as I could and watch them laugh and cry and smile. That's what it's all about. Life.

It's Thursday and I'm back at my parent's house-good ole Bel Air, Maryland. The last leg of my journey for the week. After spending about 4-5 days in Chicago and then working at the Advisory Board for two days, I'm ready to dig into the reality that is known to me...the reality of having to decide on a career and make steps toward my future. How overwhelming.

I decided I needed to come here, to the place where I grew up to collect my thoughts and to listen to who I was and who I am. It definitly helped when I was reminded of my childhood as my parents plugged in the record player and we listened silently to the sounds of Highwayman (a record which my dad played consistantly while I was little) or the sounds of 3 Dog Night and Crosby Stills and Nash. It's unbelievable that the sound of a needle hitting a simple piece of plastic can cause such excitement to my ears. Music filled my ears as the thoughts of time burned in my head. Is it possible I actually had an epiphany? For the last few months I have been contemplating issues about myself that just melted away while listening to music that was created before my time. It's amazing how simple notes can do that. I definitly believe in the power of musical therapy! I just have to figure out a plan and figure out what I wnat to do with the ideas I have. I will keep you all posted.

In other news. I was coming home on the Marc train tonight and met a project manager from Verizon. Isn't it funny how meeting someone new can change the way you view the day? Now, I know what you're thinking, and no, our interaction was not based on any kind of flirtation, etc. I would take a guess and say he was in his 40s, but he was just a guy on his way to Pennsylvania who just wanted to talk. He even offered me his business card and by only knowing me for 2 seconds he concluded that I should be in sales or account management. Now, how a single stranger can take a look at me and decipher my future, I have no idea. But he offered his business card to me and told me to send him my resume. He would make sure that the HR department received it. How cool is that?! Now, I never figured I would be working for a telecommunications company, but I have to try something. And the guy did a great job trying to convince me to join the team. I dunno. Enough about hiding out till I become a well-known actress-that will never come. Or will it? Only time will tell. ;)

how can staring at a blank screen be so complicated? i just got back from four days in chicago and had a great time and i'm lost for words. me. lost for words. how does that happen? i feel like recently my voice has been lost. i blame the complexity of my situation...my life. who knows. i'm trying to find it. trying to find out my goals. i want so much as everyone does. i want to be happy. as everyone does. but how? i don't know. will moving solve my problems or just make me homesick? i know i can move anywhere and meet people and make it a home. but it takes a long time to make a place a home as i saw in dc. it took me 4 years to make this place seem like a home and now i want to leave. how does that work? in the last month i have visted new york city, where i have always wanted to live, and also chicago which is a new found city to me. both have special attributes that i would love to be a part of, however each thought of moving scares the hell out of me. (can i say hell in my own blog..yeah, i guess i can :)) who am i? a friend of mine asked me this weekend what i wanted. what will make me happy. that question makes me cry. i try to think of happiness and it makes me cry. why? man, i just want to run away from that question. it scares me. i'm not sure what i'm suppossed to do. i'm reading this great book called 'never eat alone' and it states that people with set goals should write them down and they are more likely to accomplish those goals. ummm...ok, great...so how do you formulate those goals? ugh! someone tell me what to do! should i sell my place and travel? that's what makes me happy..i love to travel. but can i pay the bills traveling? blah. i would have sell my place in order to travel as i have some credit card debt, which sucks. why didn't i save money when i should have? why is being an adult so freakin' hard? why does money matter? ok, i could go on and on, but instead i'll just end this here and concentrate on what i have learned from visiting chicago (thanks again, geoff and talon!) and what my next step is.

blah.