how can staring at a blank screen be so complicated? i just got back from four days in chicago and had a great time and i'm lost for words. me. lost for words. how does that happen? i feel like recently my voice has been lost. i blame the complexity of my situation...my life. who knows. i'm trying to find it. trying to find out my goals. i want so much as everyone does. i want to be happy. as everyone does. but how? i don't know. will moving solve my problems or just make me homesick? i know i can move anywhere and meet people and make it a home. but it takes a long time to make a place a home as i saw in dc. it took me 4 years to make this place seem like a home and now i want to leave. how does that work? in the last month i have visted new york city, where i have always wanted to live, and also chicago which is a new found city to me. both have special attributes that i would love to be a part of, however each thought of moving scares the hell out of me. (can i say hell in my own blog..yeah, i guess i can :)) who am i? a friend of mine asked me this weekend what i wanted. what will make me happy. that question makes me cry. i try to think of happiness and it makes me cry. why? man, i just want to run away from that question. it scares me. i'm not sure what i'm suppossed to do. i'm reading this great book called 'never eat alone' and it states that people with set goals should write them down and they are more likely to accomplish those goals. ummm...ok, great...so how do you formulate those goals? ugh! someone tell me what to do! should i sell my place and travel? that's what makes me happy..i love to travel. but can i pay the bills traveling? blah. i would have sell my place in order to travel as i have some credit card debt, which sucks. why didn't i save money when i should have? why is being an adult so freakin' hard? why does money matter? ok, i could go on and on, but instead i'll just end this here and concentrate on what i have learned from visiting chicago (thanks again, geoff and talon!) and what my next step is.

blah.